hey, pickled pepper.

meet ‘em where they’re at — it’s a tenderhearted battle cry for folks here to lead, educate, and love well

it’s the opposite of expecting everyone to be where you are or where you want them to be — in how they relate to you, what you believe, and what you need

it’s a hallmark of compassion, empathy, understanding + love

i bet you’re all about meeting everyone else where they’re at…

but answer me this: who’s meeting YOU there?

and perhaps even more importantly: are you actually WILLING to be met where you’re at?

the answer might not be as obvious as you’d think

i was a classroom teacher for 15 years, and the goal then was always to meet my kids where they were at, to help them move forward from there, incrementally

not massive leaps all at once, not expecting them to get there on their own

same when i coached language teachers, and same in my current coaching practice — for passion-powered service providers, small business owners, and other visionary leaders

THEY all seek to meet THEIR people where they’re at, too

so many small, strategic bites based on individual strengths, struggles, resourcing + bandwidth

so much consideration for others, in both personal + professional realms

but you know what never gets talked about?

how WE can let others meet US where WE’RE at

or that we even could, or that we even should, or that we’re actually actively inhibiting that from happening

because really, we often cockblock our own experience of being met where we’re at

we do it every time we try to be or appear self-sufficient, not difficult, some version of a real fucking delight

be it saint, superwoman or superstar, trying to live up to a reputation or merely live into the fullness of who we are

oh the lengths we will go to — often without even realizing it! — to preserve the vision, to hide what clouds it

we are a largely unintentional battalion of one-way at-meeters doing backbends to meet everyone else where they’re at, throwing up shields to prevent them from seeing anything that might look like we could use some of the same in return

we sacrifice our own ease to bridge gaps for those we love, those we serve, and sometimes those we don’t even like very much

to make their lives easier, to garner admiration, to chase accolades, to make them beholden to us

just because most of us aren’t doing it intentionally doesn’t make it any less true or harmful

harmful to those we quietly manipulate into seeing us the way we want to be seen, into needing us the way we think we need to be needed

and harmful to ourselves — as we etch the idea that we’re meant to do without, deeper + deeper into our synapses, muscle memory + stories

and it’s high time to check ourselves + change it

this is true whether we’re talking about loved ones or clients

you are worthy of being met where YOU are — even by the people you work with + work for, those you support professionally as well as personally

it’s not a flaw to have needs, or to have needs that evolve

it’s not a failing to be human, or to have your capacity be affected by human responses to realworld events on a micro or macro level

and the cost of holding yourself to standards you would NEVER hold others to can be deep

the other day i was working on a project for a client, and i found myself getting stuck + feeling some sorta way about it

i had a milestone to hit, and i wasn’t as close to the vision i initially had of it as i would’ve liked

i kept working, made some progress, but then reached a point where trying to get closer actually got me further away — i became bogged down in the distance, and that’s not a space from which i create well

i’ve been there before in a bajillion different ways over the course of my life — from student to teacher, to service provider + collaborator to leader

but this time, i realized something that had big power to rewrite my stories + change the game for me (and it might do the same for you) —

we don’t need to stay in boxes we’ve largely put our own selves in

we get to be met where we’re at just like we meet so many others there

it’s not a professional flaw to need more time

sometimes work doesn’t go as anticipated

sometimes roadblocks arise

sometimes our desire to please, impress or succeed cajoles us into promising beyond what makes sense or impairs our ability to make thoroughly rational, realistic assessments

and we get into such a sticky mess when we think that makes us wrong, because then we try to hide it so no one finds out we don’t have it as together as they think we do

but no one does, bloom

this is a truth you may know intellectually, but still struggle to believe emotionally, for yourself

so you develop fear, shame + guilt around it that keeps you beholden to timelines + gameplans that don’t really fit

and believe me… that’s bad enough!

but it does something else…

it also keeps you broke

because when you keep fighting to fit into those jenky boxes, your mind + body will likely resist like mine does

it’ll take you LONGER to do work that is LESS AMAZING than it would be if you only let yourself reevaluate, reframe, renegotiate, reconsider

if you only let yourself be so bold as to be met where YOU’RE at, too

one of the first steps you can take to unhook from this mess is to notice where it’s happening

where are you putting up facades that keep people from knowing where you’re really at?

because if they don’t know, they don’t stand a chance of meeting you there

and you risk costing yourself time, energy, money, selflove + selfrespect

whether we’re talking friend dynamics, romantic relationships, family matters or biz interactions, we can all stand to audit our patterns + shift some behaviors to rebalance our sheets

you deserve to allow yourself the grace of your own flexibility, that you share with so many others

and to allow them to show you theirs

xxoo, cc

CONTENT NOTE: this whole piece came from a tiny moment in the UPRISING inner sanctum this week! we start our calls with a personal share — either a win or “thwack,” something we want to celebrate or acknowledge, for better or for worse

as i was thinking about what i would share, this came up for me. having the space to regularly consider wins + struggles as they come is a priceless benefit of the inner sanctum that i don’t often talk about

in addition to the amazing community of passion-powered superstars + their energy, plus the experience of being witnessed by them + getting their insights + feedback regularly…

the practice of being prompted to pause + reflect on what’s happening in your biz + life in real time brings attention to places that otherwise get overlooked

which is so much fuel to progress + creative fire

curious about what else goes down in the sanctum? check it out here

wondering how that project turned out? i communicated my concerns, proposed a revised timeline + scope that cleared out the stuckness, and am currently on fantastic-feeling track!

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