hey, cilantro stem.

it may be march, but have i got a ghost story for you 👻

i recently started dating someone, and it escalated quickly

not in a red-flag kinda way — though you might try to fight me on that

it was fun + flirty AND we talked about real things too —

if you’re not in the (largely online) dating scene, you’re prolly wondering how this could be notable. all i can say is, count your blessings lol

our time together was marked by a degree of thoughtfulness (until it wasn’t) that i haven’t experienced while dating in a minute

i felt really valued, appreciated, seen + safe — without feeling pressured to neglect my biz, friendships or personal pursuits

there was real connection, joyful energy, and easy reciprocity

the communication, ironically, was great

all of that is true. all of that was real

AND it ended abruptly

like, on his lead we were talking exclusivity one minute + no longer talking at all the next

and here’s the deal…

if i had the choice to save myself the pain of being ghosted at the expense of what i loved about what we shared, i would absolutely NOT choose no pain

i’m not willing to part with some of the deeply tender moments that still bring me joy + peace just for having had them —

even though things ended hella crappy

we had some great fun + shared some sweet surprise firsts — which impresses me at almost 49 more than i ever would’ve imagined 🤣

and listen — risks are risks. they abound all over the place

i’d rather risk getting hurt than risk leaving joy on the table unclaimed

while it may be convenient to correlate unpleasant outcomes to ill intent, sometimes shit just goes sideways

i believe in my bones that we’re all doing the best we can. and sometimes our best really freaking blows

when you force poor intent onto scenarios that disappoint, you’re yet again contributing to another broken binary that only holds you back + keeps you disconnected from your own ability to discern what’s best + real + true for you

“good” intent doesn’t always lead to “good” outcomes — nor “bad” intent to “bad” ones

sometimes you have to decide what’s going on for yourself

because sure, you risk plenty by believing people + letting joy lead the way

but you risk even more when you don’t

xxoo, cc

ps: been burned by a decision you’d absolutely make again? hit reply + let me hear it!

🗣️ this is how we normalize breaking free from rules that box us in

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