hey, lemon pop.

a dear friend once told me that i’m the most present person she knows, and that she very much wanted to be more present in her own life

to this day, it’s one of my favorite compliments to have received

we hear a lot about how your presence or attention is a gift, and it absolutely is

but i have a feeling the depth of that gift may go beyond what you’ve considered before

being fully with people when you’re with them does a LOT…

it makes them feel special

full attention is hard to come by, especially in these tech-modern times

and in a world that wants to keep us feeling unworthy of attention so we remember “our place” + don’t shake up too many status quos, we become thirsty for spaces in which it feels safe to feel special, and tender eyes through which to see ourselves mirrored back like that

it allows them to be seen

if you’ve ever uttered the phrase “i feel so seen” after reading a particularly poignant or “funny cuz it’s true” meme, you know the power of being recognized in your quirks, joys or tribulations

of course, seeing OURSELVES as amazing is number one, and ONLY seeking outside approval + validation can be dangerous

but the feeling when someone ELSE sees us that wonderful way just hits different, and that’s okay. in fact, it often paves the way for reaching that POV about ourselves, for ourselves

it allows you to see

really seeing people is just as powerful as being seen. it helps you feel connected to each person individually and to humanity as a whole. and it reminds you of your ability to appreciate as well as how much there IS to to appreciate around you

it allows you to feel blessed + abundant

when the boldest boast revolves around how you managed to do all the things for everyone else at the expense of your own sanity + peace, and you feel choked by deadlines + due dates + not enough time for too many needs…

to turn off all the alerts + reminders (on your phone + in your head) and simply BE where you are with your people feels like the most luxurious investment in your relationships, your wellbeing, and your vision for a most satisfying life

it allows you to slow down

because even in a fast-paced, high-stakes situation, you’re going to be a little slower + more intentional when you’re in a state of embodied presence

and in more moderate moments… to let go of every other obligation, worry or concern + pay attention to what’s actually happening brings a special kind of spaciousness + peace that it’s time to start normalizing

it gives them another ideal for which to aim

we’ve glorified split attention for so long that consciously reclaiming + unifying that attention presents a tangible example of another way to do things that can model, remind, or validate for others who may not even realize how tired they are of the hustle

it signals to society + the universe what you are + aren’t here for

your intentional presence serves as a potential pattern interrupt for you + those around you, and it can be a bold refusal to play by the patriarchal rules

when your actions align with your values in this way, it sends ripples beyond what you realize + can be the catalyst for change on micro AND macro levels

it helps you feel better + be happier

presence is an antidote to the hustle culture + not-enoughness that keep you feeling like you’ll never reach your goals

allowing yourself to occupy your space is revolutionary in today’s dictate to be ever smaller

and the distractedness, multitasking + overwhelm that come with all the reasons you think you can’t afford to get present actually mask dissatisfaction + muffle the voice within that knows when something isn’t right for you

it’s keeping you from your goals rather than getting you closer to them

it invites pause (not to be confused with slowing down)

so many of our shitty decisions come from not feeling confident in claiming a pause —

feeling pressured to answer, to act now

fearing that pausing is a sign of weakness

feeling like you must just KNOW + know NOW

otherwise you must not be expert enough. strong enough, smart enough

even though everyone who DOES claim to always know is often blustering, bluffing, acting as-if

and even though your best CHANCE of knowing is when you’re clearly connected to your intuition, which those folks will heartily discredit at every turn

changing the narrative around a pause is POWERFUL work with far-reaching effects

it brings clarity

when you’re really present in what you’re doing + who you’re with, it becomes so much easier to recognize mis-fits + ultra-alignments

red flags unfurl from hiding places + unpleasantness can no longer be ignored, just as green flags flash neon + delight has space to shine —

you can more clearly see who you do + don’t want to be with and what you do + don’t want to do, so you can re-allot your energy + time accordingly

but what about ROI?

i mean, aside from fuck ROI sometimes, you may be wondering what your return will be on investing in the practice of intentional presence

you may be undervaluing a biz + life filled with greater joy + more meaningful experiences

a world that conspires a little less to keep you + so many of your loved ones stuck in toxic stories + broken beliefs that perpetuate injustice, inequality + stagnation

so remember this —

feeling better about yourself, within yourself is more magnetic to the people you want to serve + serve with

when people feel better around you, they want to be around you more often

the better you get at identifying + getting around the right people, the more powerfully this works

it’s funny, this is NOT the letter i thought i’d write today

but it’s the one that wanted to come

and to be clear…

presence isn’t always easy + doesn’t always feel great

yesterday was a very bad day for me. not one i was exactly excited to be present in

and i’m not gonna say i didn’t indulge in a little escapism + retreat, because the 5 episodes of chicago med + 6 unanswered texts will tell a different tale

presence isn’t about perfection

it’s about doing as much as you can, for as long as you can, and trusting yourself to take the kind of care you need when you need it

and by making it a practice, you’ll find yourself able to be more CALM in your challenging moments EVEN as you stay securely in them

💌 which side effect of intentional presence feels most powerful to you? you know i’d love to know!

(wouldn’t mind hearing your current fave show for decompressing or intermittent escaping, either!)

xxoo, cc

ps: i literally intended to write a super short message to you today. i remember i tried that in 2016 + this longass post was what came lol

what can i say, brevity continues to be not my forte 🤷🏽‍♀️

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