hey, honeycomb.

so, it’s about 6.5 weeks since i developed bell’s palsy + i’m super stoked to say that i'm alllllmost entirely back to normal!

and wow, what a six+ weeks it’s been

this journey has facilitated some next-level self-care in the form of gratuitous rest, intentional hydration + nutrition, an almost overwhelming amount of long-overdue + important health testing + tending, and a deepened willingness + capacity to accept help + care

i’ve had to say NO to a lot, in service of saying YES to my health in very profound ways

and over the course of these past weeks — as each new nerve in my face woke up, as the droop + drag slowly lifted + lightened, i noticed that it got tougher + tougher to KEEP saying NO

as my limitations became less obvious, the inclination strengthened to fall back into the deeply-laid grooves of past practice + culturally-conditioned expectations that, although i’ve consciously tamed lots of them, their residue remains

it sounds like good girls say yes. they put everyone else’s needs above their own

and worthy girls work hard. rest is wasted time

and nice girls are there for you, whether or not you’re there for them too

these are the messages many of us fight every day, in large + small ways

and i noticed that i didn’t have to fight them so much when i was visibly unwell

think about the last time you were sick — did you allow yourself to rest as much as you needed? did others continue to pressure you for more?

and what about once the fever subsided, the cough lessened, the force physically keeping you in bed loosened its grip — when you weren’t all the way better yet, but you didn’t LOOK unwell, what happened then?

of course we all have bills to pay + commitments to honor, and you may have humans who rely on you for their most basic needs. experiencing the most ideal recuperation conditions isn’t often realistically possible

but too often visible “proof” of a problem is what legitimizes space for real recuperation — in our own eyes as well as those of the folks around us

if you live with a chronic condition you undoubtedly know this well —

you learn how to get yourself through a day, and then no one understands why you’re so beat at the end of it because you “look” fine

but when you wear your illness on your face, it speaks your needs in ways you have to use your voice for when your condition isn’t outwardly obvious

which can be really freaking exhausting. and it affects the kind of grace we give ourselves as well as the grace others give, too

stiff upper lip syndrome keeps us running ragged or allowing only the BAREST minimum of healing before jumping back into the deep end of life’s opportunities + obligations

it’s neither kind nor sustainable. and it actually keeps many of us unintentionally neglecting our loved ones, as we put those same expectations of only the most minimal care on each other

although we may be the most lovingest people around, we’re also, overall, really freaking tired — because of the moment as well as the mindset that’s been developed over our lifetime + lifetimes before

which can result in this unwitting push-pull where we genuinely want our loved ones well cared for yet, if we’re being honest, we may also be judging them for not muscling through or for taking longer than we’d ever dare allow ourselves to take

i say this all to invite you to take extra loving care with yourself + your loved ones right now

on top of what can already be challenging times, so many of us are feeling vulnerable, scared + exposed (and preparing to manage that over the next 4, or horrifyingly more, years)

as the current president of the united states rolls out each new executive order, threat or tariff + exits every next international leadership organization or important governing body, there’s plenty of really freaking just cause for anxiety, worry + fear

we may LOOK fine. and we may be doing our damnedest to get there

some days we’ll be filled with energy, hope + strength. others we’ll struggle to find a speck

what none of us needs right now is pressure to do more, be more, hustle harder, do without — especially not from the people we count on to love us

instead, let’s dare to comfort ourselves + each other with holy encouragement to be soft + soothing on scales beyond what we’ve ever likely allowed before

and let’s commit to acting from that tender, taken care of place in all the ways we can — when we can

with a trust in ourselves + each other that we WILL act — a trust that removes the need to rush in order to believe it because you see it

let us be so bold as to assume the best of ourselves without needing proof —

so we can stop fighting ourselves, start lifting each other up, and keep fighting the fuck out of what needs it from a fortified, connected + sustainable place

xxoo, cc

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